My 'A'

Too big.

Too complicated.

So hard to comprehend,

but i'm still fighting for my 'A'.

Although i know that it will slip away.

This is all i've ever wanted,

something that i will never get.

I know that i'll never forget how much i want this.

This is too hard to fight for when i'm losing.
But i'm fighting.
Hoping , Dreaming that it will go my way.

Or will this be that shattered dream that taunts me in the night,
making me wish that i had  won the battle and the fight,

The shattered dream i'm trying to fix before it becomes brocken.

living in the real world

Every thing i want for my future is slipping away,
the future is in my hands but  i am not controlling it,
Who is ?
I wish and i dream that every thing will turn out okay,
it never does.
This is the final push ,
This is almost the end,
and the beginning of a new chapter,
each new chapter never starts well,
it starts like Hell.
Every night i wish and dream of actually doing something with my life,
every morning i wake up,

I look in the mirror and go Naaaah that won't be me.

The 12 th jan one big 12 hour day of panic

 I arrive cold and shivering to the school gates although its  not cold.  Today is the day i do my german exam , attend a boring  yr 11 ball committee and parents evening and i will find out wether i have got the grades i need for sceince to scrape the only "A" i could ever get in my whole life . I want this A so bad but i wont get it . In my dream last night i got A* and i was well chuffed till i woke up and realised that it was a dream.
Butteflys have been fluttering in my stomach since this time last week even then i was still panicing about today.

10 AM German exam.
I drag my self to the exam room, a  room with glass doors in the school library .All the year 7 who are doing reading will be able to watch me fail at my life, thats gonna really help *NOT* .I'm struggling to breathe. I feel sick .  "Danni can we start the exam now" says the teacher watching me having a panic attack. I try to find some breath so i can scream" NO!" Eventually i aggreed that we should begin this speaking exam . Quite a lot of these questions made my mind go blank, the easy things i knew i forgot, Good times hey ,overall it went ok .


5:15 Parents evening sceince appointment
I wait nervously for my sceince teacher to call me over.My legs shaking and almost panicing as much as my german exam this morning. I'm trying to breathe but i'm making odd noises instead of taking air in .
He waves at me and my parents.I sat down ."Danni, do you want to know the bad news" at this point i'm dreading what he is going to say. in my head i'm screaming "NO!", "What is it " i say hesitantly dreading what he's about to say."There is none" he says smiling, don't get me worried like that. He reveals that on one paper i got 1 mark off an A , chemistry 2nd paper got 3 marks off an A thats ok considering i thought i would fail, and on my course work i got a middle B so im averaging  a B, NOOOO I'LL NEVER GET an A! If i were to get A*'s on the next to paper then i would get a A over all aaaaah i'm not even gonna get one A thats so deppressing some thing i could had slipped through my hands .

Enough of this deppressing news , No offence to all readers that  get lower grades than me your grades are still good but i just wanna prove teacher that i'm smarter than they think.